Who should be the new Oscar host?

So, who should we have hosting the Oscars this year? Hurry, people, time’s a wasting…
Eddie Murphy’s out (*sob*). Totally joking. I can’t stand Eddie Murphy, and he would’ve made a terrible host. In fact, all ego-maniacs need not apply, so sit down Will Smith.

It really and truly should be a comedian of some flavor, because it needs to be someone who will keep on with the funny when people are staring at him/her blankly.

It should be someone who knows Hollywood and isn’t too fanlike about it (Rosie O’Donnell can sit down). But someone who is also sufficiently deferential to it. (David Letterman can sit WAY down and take both Uma and Oprah with him.)

It should be someone who can sing and dance, so the old standbys come to mind: Hugh Jackman (busy with that Les Miz movie), Neil Patrick Harris (busy with his TV show). Billy Crystal has just done it too much. He also needs to sit down.

Someone who thinks quickly on their feet, preferably someone comfortable with improve or standup, cause stuff happens at the Oscars that you just have to be prepared for, and willing to go off script for. (Steve Martin can sit WAY down.)

While we’re at it, forget the youngsters (especially after the “talking too freely” that got Brett Ratner bounced, we have to have some older dude or dudette who isn’t going to let the wrong thing slip. Who knows the meaning of politically correct, yet is savvy enough to know who to take jabs at (and who NOT TO). Please sit Ricky Gervais down and shut him the hell up. And while you’re at it, take that drink out of his hand.

So, in short, someone who’s polite, savvy about Hollywood, works hard enough to step in to this madness quickly, someone who can sing and dance or at least tell a good joke.
My own personal short list would be this: Craig Ferguson or Jimmy Fallon (though, this being ABC, probably not likely), Dan Finnerman (from “the Dan Band”)—he would rock it!, Marc Maron, Chris Hardwick, Jay Mohr.

Women? There aren’t too many choices there. Kathy Griffin comes to mind, but she has the sassy mouth that got Ratner bounced. You know who would be a fantastic female Oscar host? Loni Love! She would rock that Kodak. And you know she looks great in some gowns.

Or maybe Ricki Lake, after she wins Dancing with the Stars, to promote her new talk show? Nah. Loni Love would be better.

Those would be my final choices: either Dan Finnerman or Loni Love.

Boy, would those be some fun Oscars. Enough with the overpriced, full of themselves celebs and young people who haven’t got a clue. These two have been around the block a time or two.

Another wacky, but perfect choice? Ross Matthews. You know he respects the Oscars enough. It may even compensate for his youth and inexperience. He’d be a great choice.

What say you?
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Arrogant Maks takes aim at stodgy Len: DWTS

First, it’s a dance show based on the premise that professional dancers can make complete non-pros look good. People who’ve never before danced are all of a sudden doing dance counts in their heads and rumbaing with the best of ’em. All well and good.

They’ve got fabulous costumes and makeup (and an amazing new set this season). Lots of lights and sparkle make them look good. What they do seem to be lacking this season is some kind of director.

One who, for example, will tell the boisterous, raucous crowd, YES, even those Kardashians, to shut the hell up, because the judges and the opinion of the judges is what’s most important (at least until the public votes, anyway). Who the hell made these Kardashians so darned important? Their brother is dancing, and you see them, front row, talking back to the judges, hogging camera time. Get over it.

Same kind of beside the point nonsense went on last season when mama Palin was there to watch her daughter Bristol go WAY WAY WAY further in that competition than she ever should have. Pathetic and sad, and happily there was a public outcry that still hasn’t died down.

But, for better or for worse, and despite the screaming obnoxious throngs, we are now down to the last seven contestants. Among them, one I consider to be one of the worst (even before last night), soccer player Hope Solo.

I saw her dance last night, but I have to admit, I think she is so dreadful I was consciously trying not to watch her. Plus, I find Maks to be really sexy, so it’s easy to watch him instead.

The judges, in commenting, said it was “one of her worst dances.” Len, in his comments, noted that it was better that she’s not wearing heels, as they seem to throw off her dancing. In Len’s defense, I think this is a valid comment. She doesn’t seem at all comfortable with the “girly” part of this dancing thing.

Maks, before the judging even finished, went off on poor Len. Maks was pissed that the judges worry about something so superficial as a heel. He stormed off moments later to his on-camera interview and said, “It’s MY SHOW!”

Really? When did it become Maks’ show? Len’s been there since the beginning, too, has he not? Did I miss something? Or is it just Maks’ overwhelming arrogance?

Also in defense of Len, these contestants are, by and large, terrible. They are not dancers. The professionals try to dance circles around them, to not let the public know that they are really terrible, but they are. (Except for nearly professional dancer Nicole Scherzinger a couple of seasons ago, who rightly won the trophy. She was a joy to watch.)

And Len, by this point, must run out of things to say that don’t crush these people completely, yet accurately point out their mistakes. Hope Solo deserved (and got) bad scores for this dance. I sincerely hope that she is voted out tomorrow night. Between her bad dancing and Maks’ arrogance, they both need to sit this one out, and let some of the actually good and respectful dancers come to the forefront.

Maks should take a cue from Derek Hough. He’s been there “since the beginning too.” As far as I know, it’s “his show” too, in fact moreso than Maks, since he’s won more Mirror Ball Trophies from his dancing/choreography. You don’t see him getting all arrogant and in Len’s face about judging marks. They just try harder next week.

For that matter (although I’m currently rooting for David Arquette), I hope that Ricki Lake wins this season. She is working her butt off, and Derek is providing truly inspired choreography (something only Derek Hough and Mark Ballas seem to be able to do on this show). THEIR choreography lifts even the worst dancers into realms they could only dream of, if the “celebrity” is capable of doing it. Who knows? Maks could have fantastic choreography, that Hope isn’t even capable of carrying out. (I did really like Maks’s season with Erin Andrews. That dancing was truly inspired. And his season with Kirstie Alley was pretty fun, too. Can’t always have great partners, Maks.)

In any case, I thought Len and Maks’ little spat was really unprofessional and out of line. They need to stop and get back to the dancing.

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Creative fever dream Swans into Best Picture

Reviewers who write about movies for a living, who have to slog through every paint-by-numbers adaptation, seem to have difficulty with two things: spirituality in movies, and the creative process in movies. Mind you, there aren’t that many movies about either of those two things because they are also ephemeral streaks of lightning to capture in the film bottle.

What I had read about “Black Swan” prior to seeing it fluctuated on the spectrum from horror flick to Grand Guignol theatre to thriller to scary movie. In short, I really didn’t know what to expect. Perhaps it will be one or some of those things to you, too.

How I perceived “Black Swan” was more like a dream. The dream, the central focus for this ballerina, is to be perfect. And she studies and she plies and she does everything she thinks she’s supposed to do.

But when the company leader decides to do “Swan Lake,” he presents her with this challenge: “You’d be great as the White Swan.” But, essentially, she doesn’t have enough of a dark side to do the Black Swan justice. (This lead character in the ballet performs both sides of a complex persona.)

“Black Swan,” then, is about this striving-for-perfection ballerina figuring out what it takes to reach her own “dark side.” What she discovers is that passion and the thrill of life often lie in its imperfections. As we travel with her on her journey, we also discover what is at the heart of the creative process, how far someone can push themselves for their art.

It is a stunning bravura performance. Prior to seeing the film, I posited on my podcast that Natalie Portman was going to take every award in sight this Oscar season. I think so even moreso after seeing the film. Like Christoph Waltz and Mo’Nique last year, every other Best Actress contender this year can just sit down. It’s Natalie Portman’s year. Her work in this movie is stunning. In fact, I can’t remember the last time an actress was so stunning and superb and affecting. Brilliant work.

Her supporting cast is also affecting and may glean some supporting nominations: Vincent Cassel as the ballet company director, Barbara Hershey as her mom, Mila Kunis as a fellow dancer. Winona Ryder takes an especially inspired turn, making a droll commentary on her own life, that elicited laughs in our industry screening.

People have also made reference to an “All About Eve” subtext. That is only there in as much as fearing other people taking roles you covet is part of the creative process. It’s really and truly not about that.

In fact, I think where reviewers get into trouble with this role, and even the screening I saw this at, the questioner had the same problem–is dissecting it too much. Think of it as a dream. Roll around with the images, go with the flights of fancy. True creativity isn’t that far from the dream state, and true creativity borders on that part of the brain near psychosis too. But don’t let that analysis hinder you.

As Nina had to learn, with sex, with dreaming, with life, sometimes you just have to let it flow over you and become part of you. So, too, with “Black Swan.”