So, who should we have hosting the Oscars this year? Hurry, people, timeâ€™s a wastingâ€¦
Eddie Murphyâ€™s out (*sob*). Totally joking. I canâ€™t stand Eddie Murphy, and he wouldâ€™ve made a terrible host. In fact, all ego-maniacs need not apply, so sit down Will Smith.
It really and truly should be a comedian of some flavor, because it needs to be someone who will keep on with the funny when people are staring at him/her blankly.
It should be someone who knows Hollywood and isnâ€™t too fanlike about it (Rosie Oâ€™Donnell can sit down). But someone who is also sufficiently deferential to it. (David Letterman can sit WAY down and take both Uma and Oprah with him.)
It should be someone who can sing and dance, so the old standbys come to mind: Hugh Jackman (busy with that Les Miz movie), Neil Patrick Harris (busy with his TV show). Billy Crystal has just done it too much. He also needs to sit down.
Someone who thinks quickly on their feet, preferably someone comfortable with improve or standup, cause stuff happens at the Oscars that you just have to be prepared for, and willing to go off script for. (Steve Martin can sit WAY down.)
While weâ€™re at it, forget the youngsters (especially after the â€œtalking too freelyâ€ that got Brett Ratner bounced, we have to have some older dude or dudette who isnâ€™t going to let the wrong thing slip. Who knows the meaning of politically correct, yet is savvy enough to know who to take jabs at (and who NOT TO). Please sit Ricky Gervais down and shut him the hell up. And while youâ€™re at it, take that drink out of his hand.
So, in short, someone whoâ€™s polite, savvy about Hollywood, works hard enough to step in to this madness quickly, someone who can sing and dance or at least tell a good joke.
My own personal short list would be this: Craig Ferguson or Jimmy Fallon (though, this being ABC, probably not likely), Dan Finnerman (from â€œthe Dan Bandâ€)â€”he would rock it!, Marc Maron, Chris Hardwick, Jay Mohr.
Women? There arenâ€™t too many choices there. Kathy Griffin comes to mind, but she has the sassy mouth that got Ratner bounced. You know who would be a fantastic female Oscar host? Loni Love! She would rock that Kodak. And you know she looks great in some gowns.
Or maybe Ricki Lake, after she wins Dancing with the Stars, to promote her new talk show? Nah. Loni Love would be better.
Those would be my final choices: either Dan Finnerman or Loni Love.
Boy, would those be some fun Oscars. Enough with the overpriced, full of themselves celebs and young people who havenâ€™t got a clue. These two have been around the block a time or two.
Another wacky, but perfect choice? Ross Matthews. You know he respects the Oscars enough. It may even compensate for his youth and inexperience. Heâ€™d be a great choice.
What say you?