Tag Archives: love

Kissing Does Not Make You a Slut, and Other Bachelor Conundrums

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Kissing.

Lips to lips. Maybe some tongue. Maybe even more tongue.

Ah, kissing.

What a wonderful thing (though I only vaguely remember it these days…).

Still, people have been getting just UP IN ARMS about rampant kissing. (Personally, I think you can NEVER Kiss or Hug people enough.)

But on this show called The Bachelor, folks are just crazy about it. The word that they use to describe our Bachelor Ben, who has been doing a LOT of kissing, and it’s only Episode 3 of this season is “Slut.” (They do this nonsense on The Bachelorette, too, though girls don’t usually do the rampant kissing until much later in the season.)

I have a lot of opinions about this, mostly along the lines of “Oh America, you are so prudish, get over your damn selves,” variety. Mostly they are these, though.

First of all, both The Bachelor and The Bachelorette are silly shows. Totally silly. They were classy and fun at the beginning, but now they are just silly. Example: on tonight’s show (which I watch, live blog and actually pick up followers on Twitter when I do. Sigh.) they had these girls IN BIKINIS skiiing down a hill in San Francisco. (Don’t ask.)

It used to be a show about discovering each other, and who you like and maybe falling in love, and now it’s all obstacle courses and nonsense. Still, I watch.

So, for the record, I am vehemently and absolutely against all the crap that wouldn’t happen on a normal date. Like skiing in San Francisco. *eyeroll* In BIKINIS. *double eyeroll* Or, the other Bachelor de rigueur item, for whatever reason (can I PLEASE shoot the producer who thought up this pathetic crap?), they take whoever it is over some ridiculously high place, and have them “conquer their fears” together. Tonight (it was a stupidity double-feature on this episode), they had the two prospective lovers climbing up the San Francisco bridge.

NONSENSE. Stuff and nonsense and stupidity.

But I, who am spoiled on Survivor, where you actually have REAL moments and unscripted TV in a reality show, live for the REAL moments. So yeah, it was kinda cool when poor Emily is scared out of her bloody wits, and can’t walk up this stupid bridge one step further, and Ben kisses her. That was kinda cool.

Which brings me again to my point.

Kissing.

Kissing smooths out many a rough spot on the rocky road to a relationship. Furthermore, if I were faced (God help me) with a choice of roughly 30 hot hunks to choose from, hopefully to pick my husband from among them (OK, that would never happen, and if it did, I’d make the producers go back to square one about 80 times when they keep bringing in these model and actor types, instead of real men. So, OK, I could never actually be on this show.)…but let’s just say hypothetically…

I’m on the show. I must pick from these assembled 30 guys. There is only so much surface judgment one can do. Everyone looks good at the beginning, especially the way they are all trussed up like prize pigs in front of you. So how do you decide?

On Disney-owned ABC, during prime time? The only thing YOU CAN do is kiss them. You can tell a lot about a person’s kiss. Both in the doing and giving of it, and the watching. Like Ben’s favorite, Courtney. She’s favored because she’s a model and is “so beautiful.” (Men are so stupid sometimes…) So is he not noticing that when he kisses her, in front of a dramatic San Francisco skyline, she’s making sure that the camera has her best side? (Instead of, you know, KISSING HIM?)

I’m actually of the opinion that you can tell the whole relationship in a kiss. You can certainly tell if this person is going to be sexually compatible with you. Yes, yes you can.

So, I say, Ben, kiss away! Kiss freely and with abandon. Kiss every one of these girls on every show. Kiss until you want to kiss no more.

Kissing, after all, is still in the chaste category, for those who throw the “slut” term around too readily. One could kiss for days and never get pregnant.

They had a wonderful thing on this horrible episode of The Bachelor, too. Just after Ben and Emily kissed, fireworks lit up the sky above them. I’m sure it was planned and stage managed, cause that shot was perfect, but man, it was nice. I wish The Bachelor would do more stuff like that. Back to the ROMANCE of it. That is, after all, why people watch.

And if all these lame writers/producers of The Bachelor can come up with for creating romance is to have someone climb up really high above some city, then they need to get out more. Romance is all about intimacy and being real with someone.

They could, actually, take a few lessons from Survivor. Survivor’s out there battling good and evil in very real ways, just from the people they choose to have on the show. You’re telling me that no one in Hollywood knows what ROMANCE is about anymore?

Come over here, I’ll whisper it in your ear.

It’s about KISSING.

A Fugue of Sex and Love Addiction: Shame

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I waited, as I read some of the reviews of Shame. I watched all of the major reviewers sort of dance around trying to figure out if they got what was going on, what this movie was really about. Watched for the two words: Sex addiction.

Sadly, I saw them nowhere.

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD READ THIS REVIEW ONLY AFTER YOU’VE SEEN SHAME. MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD READ THIS REVIEW ONLY AFTER YOU’VE SEEN SHAME. MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD READ THIS REVIEW ONLY AFTER YOU’VE SEEN SHAME. MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD READ THIS REVIEW ONLY AFTER YOU’VE SEEN SHAME. MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD READ THIS REVIEW ONLY AFTER YOU’VE SEEN SHAME. MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD READ THIS REVIEW ONLY AFTER YOU’VE SEEN SHAME. MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD READ THIS REVIEW ONLY AFTER YOU’VE SEEN SHAME.

But this movie is to Sex Addiction what Days of Wine and Roses is to alcoholism. Ever wanted to know the sordid details behind a sex addict’s mind? Here you go. The lies, the hidden pornography, the near-constant masturbation. The near destruction of one’s own life, while being in complete denial about it. All here.

What (also) isn’t talked about is how his (Michael Fassbender, as our protagonist) sister (Carey Mulligan) suffers from a concurrent love addiction. She bounds into his life from who knows where, and opens up a door on his behavior. Make no mistake, they are cut from the same cloth.

They are both from New Jersey. Brother dear now lives in NY. When sister arrives, she has somehow booked a singing gig at a club. She does a gut-wrenching version of “New York, New York” that also makes her otherwise unfeeling brother tear up.

It’s also interesting to me that the first time you see both of them completely naked, it’s not in a sexual way. He, because he’s taking a piss. She, because she’s in the shower.

Also, to director Steve McQueen’s immense credit (which also other reviewers seem to have missed), it’s incredibly hard to show all the sordidness of a sex addict’s life, and not make it seem sexy. He does this partly through the script, and partly through excellent camera work and editing.

Sex addiction, for those not savvy to it, makes every person a potential sex object. The sex addict is skilled, like a sexual viper, always able to conquer their prey. But it’s a nameless faceless game. Know as little about someone as possible. Give away as little of yourself as possible.

So when the phone starts ringing early on, I was puzzled. Not like a sex addict to give out their phone number. Of course, it turns out to be his sister.

Later, he meets someone and goes on an actual date. She asks him how long his longest relationship was, “Four months,” he says.

Being present is also a very difficult thing for any addict, but especially a sex addict. So when he asks his date what time period, past or future, she’d like to live in, she responds: “Right now.” He’s completely perplexed. But she is, indeed, very connected, very present, very in touch with her emotions.

You see this in another way. You’ve seen his addictive sex in many ways. But when he beds this gorgeous emotionally connected black woman, she touches his face, lovingly. He can’t go on. He knows nothing of this kind of sex.

But, his sex addiction fuse having been lit, it has to be finished. You see him, moments later, with someone that he picked up from somewhere. Doesn’t matter. It’s another drug, and he’s scored.

The purging that he does after that experience is equivalent to what anyone has to do when they get sober. Alcoholics pour their drink down the sink, drug addicts destroy their paraphernalia, sex addicts throw away all the morass of their secret stashes. Yes, even their computers.

He has his emotions opened up now. He has a big blowout fight with his sister. It’s quite compellingly shot from behind as they sit on a couch. Sex addict vs. love addict, mano a mano. It’s brutal, and painful.

He caps his words with a night of sex bingeing that gets quite ugly.

And, in the morning, he is sobbing on the beach. Someone on Twitter said, “Oh big deal, so he cries on the beach.” They missed the whole point. It IS a big deal that he was sobbing on the beach. The way for a sex addict to heal (or any addict) is to actually feel their feelings. And yes, that usually does initially involve a lot of crying.

I was hoping that it would all end with Brandon getting into recovery. But that’s probably too pat and predictable an ending.

The way it actually ended was with one of his sex toys on the train, a married woman who constantly flirts with him. Once he ran out of the train, following her and lost her. This time, she starts flirting, and he remains seated, not taking the bait.

I looked behind his head. In the shot, is a poster for a place called “The River NYC.” Not exactly a recovery place, but its website said this: “Our goal is to create a warm and welcoming space where we can develop a genuine spirituality.” Yep. Sounds like recovery to me. All you have to do is look around, and find it.

A much better ending.

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ADDENDUM: Roger Ebert mentions it in his review.

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Endurance Cinema: Conviction, The Way Back and 127 Hours

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One of my pet theories is that leading Oscar contenders reflect a current mode of our times. Last year’s “Up In the Air,” for instance, hit hard on the layoffs that touched so many. This year’s theme, it seems, is enduring, despite overwhelming odds against you.

In the wonderful “Conviction,” Hillary Swank’s character battles for years to free her innocent brother from prison. You see her battle setback after setback. And still she hangs on. Believing that she can do it.

In the beautiful “The Way Back,” we have prisoners from a Soviet concentration camp, first exiled to Siberia. Then some of them decide they’ve had enough, and endeavor to escape (all of this being in the trailer, I’m spoiling nothing; also this happens in the beginning of the film). They do escape, and begin their trek. I suppose they are heading toward that nebulous “freedom.” Their path seems to go from Siberia to Mongolia to Tibet to India. On foot.

Needless to say, of the ones who start on the journey, not all of them make it, for various reasons. But it’s a battle. A struggle to survive. A struggle to make it to the other side. A struggle to be free.

It seems that many of us, with millions of Americans unemployed, are struggling just to survive, too. Hanging on. Trying to make that meager unemployment check last just a little bit longer. Piecing together rent with odd jobs, believing, against all odds that that next job is somewhere around the corner. I really believe that hanging on and believing you’ll make it is the new American dream.

No more streets paved with gold, we’d be happy to get a paycheck regularly. And this “endurance cinema” reflects that. Hang on, hang on, hang on, just a little bit longer.

“The Way Back” isn’t quite as bleak and despairing as last year’s “The Road,” but it’s a tough go. The ending brought tears to my eyes, but boy! was it a long slog to get there. Mind you, I do love Peter Weir as a director. His “Dead Poet’s Society” remains one of my favorite films. And visually (thank you, Russell Boyd), “The Way Back” is stunning to look at. Vast landscapes that include icy snow-covered peaks, as well as vast deserts.

In “Conviction,” though, it was clear what the motive and struggle was. In “The Way Back,” they put themselves though lots of dangerous situations, and it’s kind of unclear why exactly. They talk at the beginning about how “there’s a bounty on your heads,” from neighboring villagers, but this threat is never bourne out, or even hinted at, once they escape.

It’s enough of a stretch to believe that people one day just say, “Hey! Let’s walk across Mongolia!” but that they do it without ANY help from villagers along the way strains credulity a bit.*

I watch “Survivor” pretty much every week since it started (a few missed seasons here and there). The parts I love the most are the way people interact with each other (there is much of that in this movie). The parts I REALLY dislike vehemently (OK, I admit, I’m a city girl, and I’d never survive in the wild) are the parts where chicken’s heads are lopped off, or animals are otherwise killed for food. Sadly, there is also a lot of that in this movie.

Sure, I understand, they are starving, they need to eat. Do I really need to watch it, though?

Another endurance movie is looming on the horizon, one that I am distinctly NOT going to see: “127 Hours.” People in our office this week spoke again of people fainting at screenings. Know this, anyone who plans to go see this one: the hiker goes by himself into the wild, and ends up CHOPPING OFF HIS OWN ARM. And they show it. GRAPHICALLY. Why are people surprised about this? Every screening has someone fainting.

I don’t intend to faint. I don’t intend to see it, Oscar-worthy or not. I’ve had enough of endurance films for this season.

ADDENDUM: * I know it’s based on a true story. I know people actually did this. Still…

Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World Changes the Game

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“It’s a game changer,” my friend said, as we exited “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World,” perhaps not even realizing the multilevel nature of his comment. By “game,” he meant that it was the most original film he’d seen since “Pulp Fiction.” It’s also true that it changes the game of filmmaking because it comes at us like a videogame.

Pilgrim must vanquish seven levels of Exes. As he does so, they turn into coins at his feet (each level more coins). At one point, he “gets a life” from out of the air, or the scoreboard on the screen, as the case may be. It’s like that. You may find this extremely annoying. Especially if you’re not a fan of videogames, or have never played them.

Pilgrim plays very much like an amped-up version (sonically and visually) of Michael Cera’s earlier “Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist.” We have star-crossed lovers. We have obstacles. We have a band, and rock and roll as a backdrop.

I truly think it’s safe to say that those who love videogames, rock and roll or great love stories will enjoy this film. The only flaw I could find with it is that the beloved heroine, played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead, wasn’t really as life or death as she needed to be. But maybe that’s just our age, everyone is lackadaisical.

The fight sequences, as you would expect, get more intense and spectacular as our hero gets a level further. Mae Whitman, so quiet and reserved on TV’s “Parenthood,” here kicks some serious booty. It’s wonderful. The final one, with Jason Schwartzman, is brilliant and wonderful and fun. Oscar nominee Anna Kendrick gives a very different version of herself as Scott’s beleaguered sister.

All of it comes from Brian Lee O’Malley’s graphic novels, but writer Michael Bacall and writer-director Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead) give it shape and keep it flowing along. Very fun movie.

It’s Not Complicated: “Complicated” uncomplex, boring

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Of all the movies floating around this Oscar season, “It’s Complicated” is one of the least complex. Here’s the plot: Meryl Streep’s character spends the movie deciding whether or not she’s still in love with her ex-husband (Alec Baldwin). She may or may not end up with him in the end.

That’s pretty much it. Oh, sure there are a few wrinkles. He’s married to a younger woman. She’s seeing an architect. There is the extent of the “complications.”

Her sounding board/Greek chorus comes in threes: a couple of times it’s her three children, a couple of times it’s her three women friends. Neither is a device that works effectively.

This is due, in part, to the fact that the writer of the movie, Nancy Meyers, is also the director. In her defense, we do get lavish shots of the California landscape and chocolate cake.

But, as a movie, it’s really slow going. John Krasinski is practically wasted in a lame bit of comedy.

The real downfall, other than the insipid script that goes nowhere, is the casting of Steve Martin, who is like a wet fish opposite Meryl Streep’s luminosity. Mind you, I’d just about pay to see Meryl Streep read the phone book. She is gorgeous and stunning in nearly every scene (and is in nearly every scene).

But like the pastries that they consume after smoking a joint, it leaves you hungry for more afterwards. Plenty of other great movies around right now. Give this one a pass.

Finally! A movie I LOVE! All 500 Days.

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So, I’m slogging through this Oscar season, viewing this movie and that. This one has good costumes. This one has good cinematography. I like that actor. The mental checklist. Who’s going to make it to the Oscar stage this year? Too much thinking, frankly.

Suddenly, (500) Days of Summer comes onto the agenda unexpectedly.

From the very first frame to the very last, I loved this movie. LOVED it. Loved every frame, every moment, every backwards and forwards in time. I’ve seen maybe 100 of this year’s movies by now. This one completely spoke to me. It easily moves to the top of my favorites, and I sure hope it’s remembered at Oscar time. It was a joy to watch.

It’s a love story, but NOT a romantic comedy. The two leads, Joseph-Gordon Levitt and Zooey Deschanel are wondrous and gorgeous to watch. We even get a bit of the incredible Zooey singing (she’s one half of the band She and Him when she’s not doing movies; I adore her voice).

It is smart, it is funny, it is interesting, it is well edited. The writers (Scott Neustadter and Michael Weber) should plan their walk right now to the Best Original Screenplay Oscar stage.

There is happiness, there is sadness, there is despair, there is an impromptu dance number that reminded me of the Bollywood end of last year’s “Slumdog Millionaire.” The music, starting from Regina Spektor’s “Us” under the opening credits and every song going forward, was stunning, smart and perfectly chosen.

The plot is simple. Summer is the character Zooey Deschanel plays. And they go through 500 days with her and the male lead (Levitt). And though the ending is not a romantic comedy ending, I actually love the ending. Drama, after all, is all about conflict, and if they’d just walked happily off into the sunset, it wouldn’t be much of a movie. Plus, now that I know the ending, I’d watch it differently the second time around. And YES! I do want to see it again. I can’t say that about many of the movies I’ve been slogging through.

A gorgeous movie about love. Well worth a watch.